✨ The First Stitch™: Forgiveness as Healing in Action
- deZengo M
- 4 days ago
- 4 min read
Healing does not happen all at once. It unfolds slowly, carefully, stitch by stitch. I have learned this truth through my own journey, especially when it came to forgiveness. For a long time, I struggled with what forgiveness really meant. I stepped back from people I didn’t feel safe or grounded around—not out of anger or bitterness, but out of discernment. Something felt off, and I learned to listen when that quiet inner voice said, Pause. Protect your heart.
“Above all else, guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it.”
— Proverbs 4:23 (NIV)
This post is about the healing power of forgiveness as an action, not just a feeling. It’s about taking that first stitch™—a small, intentional step toward releasing resentment while maintaining safety and boundaries.
Understanding Forgiveness Beyond Pretending
For a long time, I wrestled with forgiveness. Not because I didn’t want to forgive, but because I feared confusing forgiveness with forgetting, pretending, or reopening wounds that weren’t ready to heal. Forgiveness is often misunderstood as restoring full access to someone’s heart or life without rebuilding trust first. That’s not what forgiveness is.
Forgiveness is not pretending.
Forgiveness is not enabling harmful behavior.
Forgiveness is not unsafe access.
Before forgiveness can happen, safety must come first. Even Jesus showed discernment in who He trusted:
“But Jesus would not entrust Himself to them, for He knew all people.”
— John 2:24 (NIV)
This means forgiveness does not require us to throw open the doors to everyone who hurt us. It means we protect ourselves while choosing to release bitterness.
Reflection as a Step Toward Healing
After creating safety, reflection becomes essential. This step involves prayer, honesty, and allowing God to examine what’s happening inside us. It’s a time to be vulnerable and ask for guidance.
“Search me, God, and know my heart; test me and know my anxious thoughts.”
— Psalm 139:23 (NIV)
Reflection helps us understand our feelings and prepares us to make forgiveness a conscious choice. Forgiveness is not a feeling that magically appears; it is a decision and an action. It is a quiet release of resentment so we are no longer bound to the past.
“Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.”
— Ephesians 4:32 (NIV)
This process takes time and patience. It requires us to be honest with ourselves about what we need to feel safe and whole again.
Taking the First Stitch™ in Forgiveness
Recently, I took what I call a first stitch™. I quietly unblocked people I had previously blocked. There were no announcements and no expectations. When one reached out, I responded with kindness and clear boundaries. This small step was not about rushing into full reconciliation but about opening a door gently, with care.
This is what forgiveness in action looks like:
Small steps that respect your pace
Kindness without sacrificing boundaries
Discernment about who and when to trust again
Taking the first stitch™ is a way to practice forgiveness without losing yourself. It’s about healing in action, not just words.
Why Forgiveness Matters for Survivors
For survivors of abuse or trauma, forgiveness can feel impossible or even unsafe. It’s important to remember forgiveness is not about excusing what happened or forgetting the pain. It’s about freeing yourself from the weight of resentment and anger that can keep you trapped in the past.
Forgiveness can:
Reduce emotional burden
Help rebuild your sense of peace
Create space for healthier relationships
But it must happen on your terms, with your safety as the priority.
Moving Forward with Healing and Boundaries
Healing is a journey, not a destination. Forgiveness is one of the stitches that hold your heart together as you move forward. It’s okay to take your time and to protect yourself along the way.
If you are ready to take your first stitch™, here are some practical tips:
Listen to your inner voice when it says pause or protect your heart
Set clear boundaries that feel safe for you
Use prayer or meditation to reflect on your feelings
Take small steps toward reconnecting if and when you feel ready
Seek support from trusted friends, counselors, or faith leaders
Remember, forgiveness is a choice you make for your own healing, not a favor to anyone else.
Forgiveness doesn’t require reconciliation.
It doesn’t require re-entry.
Even Scripture reminds us that peace has limits — and that’s okay.
*“If it is possible, as far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone.”*
— Romans 12:18 (NIV)
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You can love people and still protect your peace.
You can forgive and still move carefully.
You can unblock, release, and move on — all at once.
Healing doesn’t rush.
God moves patiently. He binds us with care.
> *“He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds.”*
> — Psalm 147:3 (NIV)
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If you're standing at the edge of forgiveness,
wondering how to move forward without losing yourself...
Let this be your permission.
You don’t have to do it all at once.
You don’t have to do it perfectly.
You just have to take the next right stitch™.
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## 🧵 Want to go deeper?
🎥 Watch the short film:
👉 [The First Stitch™ — Forgiveness as Part of Healing
💬 Share with someone who's in the middle of the healing process.
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### Patchwork Quilt Oniverse™
*One stitch at a time is still healing.*
The healing journey is NOT a straight line.