Survival Log: 04.03.26.01

Watching my Life Fall Apart

A Woman Looking Out a Window - Watching Her Life Fall Apart.

I never imagined watching my life fall apart could feel so raw… so immediate.

There I was in Seattle, caught in the middle of a divorce that didn’t just end—it stretched into a decade-long battle. My ex-husband and his girlfriend were earning nearly $300k a year combined.

And me? Barely scraping by on $10k.

The math of survival wasn’t just difficult—it was suffocating.

The Aftermath

The divorce didn’t just end a marriage. It became a war of attrition.

I had already survived the first stage—the kind where you cry every waking moment… and somehow, even in your sleep. I made it through that. But I wasn’t okay.

He wasn’t just gone.

He had moved on.

Replaced me.

Built a new life.

And I remember the moment it broke in a way I can never forget. The day he told me he didn’t love me… that he didn’t want a family anymore… and that I had been replaced— was September 11th.

I stayed there, hysterically crying, trying to understand what had just happened… and then I watched the Twin Towers fall. And somehow… I still had to get up and go to school.

And me?

• Working multiple jobs.

• Attending art school full-time.

• Running on exhaustion, stress… and more coffee than I could count.

  
  

And underneath it all was a truth that’s hard to admit—but it was real: I didn’t feel like I had value unless a man wanted me.

So I did what I had been taught, groomed and seen my entire life - I set out to find a man. I went on a date. Not because I was ready. Because I was empty.

The Warning

At first, it felt normal. Then it shifted. Before I knew what had happened he had exposed himself in the middle of the Seattle Park. Confessed he was on a drug I had never heard of and coming down after being up 4 days straight. [ RED FLAG ]

My survival instinct? Humor.

“Wow… that’s super impressive. I’m actually trying to quit, but thanks.”

But inside—Alarm.

You can joke. You can smooth things over. But your body already knows. Something is wrong.

Then it escalated. He didn’t want to go back to his car. He wanted me to take him to a hotel. That was not the plan. Another red flag.

I had a safety plan with a friend—not because I expected something to happen… but because something in me knew it could. I just never thought I’d actually need it.

The Shift

Then I heard him. On the phone. Quiet. Controlled. Explaining why it was taking so long to: “get me in there.” That was the moment everything changed. In an instant, I wasn’t a person anymore. [ RED FLAG ]

I became:

• A target

• A timeline

• An objective

No more confusion. No more second-guessing. This is not safe.

The Response

I didn’t panic. I moved.

I called my friend. Calm. Controlled. Precise. I gave her everything:

• Location

• Situation

• Changes

And in my spirit, I was praying: “God… tell me what to do.”

And He did. Not in paragraphs. In steps:

1. Stay calm

2. Don’t confront

3. Get out

   
   

The Exit

So I shifted. Redirected the conversation. Turned the car. Headed back toward his.

He resisted. So I adapted. I pulled out my wallet. Showed him what I had. Told him I still had to feed my kids. I gave him money. Whatever it took.

And finally—he got out.

But it wasn’t over. He came around to my side. Slammed his hands down hard on my window. Leaned in close… [ RED ALARM BELLS BY THIS POINT ]

He leaned into my care - and with a voice that sounded demonic, told me "I played that perfectly"

“You played that perfectly.”

And in that moment, I knew. I didn’t need proof. I had clarity. I had that Voice. Clear. Direct. Certain.

The Lesson

This is why we tell these stories. Because [ RED FLAGS ] don’t always look the way you expect. They look like:

• A shift in plans

• Something that doesn’t add up

• A quiet phone call

• A feeling you can’t explain

Most people ignore it. They stay polite. They stay quiet. They stay too long.

Listen: You do not need proof to protect yourself. If something feels off—that is enough.

And bring God into it. Because sometimes that voice isn’t just instinct… It’s wisdom.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God… and it will be given.” — James 1:5

Sometimes that wisdom is just one word: Go.

The Bigger Story

But this wasn’t the only battle. Not even close.

After this… I would go on to fight cancer. And I fought it while navigating a divorce pro-se, living with an abusive family - and figuring my life out on my own. That’s a story for another day. The same God who told me to “Go”… is the same God who carried me through that too.

END silence starts here.

What was your [ RED FLAG ] moment? What did you ignore… until you couldn’t? And when everything could have gone wrong—How did God pull you out of the fire?

We’re not staying silent anymore. Drop your story below. Because your voice might be the one that saves someone else.

Protect what matters.

END silence.

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