Survival Log : 04.06.26
- deZengo M
- Apr 6
- 3 min read
The Things a Child Should Never Know
By Patchwork Penny™ | Healing begins where silence ENDS.
There are things a child should never have to understand. And yet… somehow, I did.
One of my earliest memories wasn’t of a toy, a birthday, or a best friend. It was a boundary. A "knowing." At six years old, I already understood that I shouldn't sit on a man’s lap. Not because someone explained it in a safe or protective way, but because something in me already knew it wasn’t safe.
That realization alone says more than I ever could. Because a child doesn’t come into this world thinking like that. That kind of awareness is learned.
The Environment of Exposure
I don’t have clear memories of specific events at that age, but I remember the environment. Everything was sexualized. Conversations that never should have existed around children were normal in my home.
There was no protection. No filter. No preservation of innocence. Just exposure:
Constant.
Unfiltered.
Unprotected.
My mom’s life was chaos. Men came and went like a revolving door. Homes changed. Schools changed. I remember one year in elementary school—four different schools. Four different places to try again, and never quite belonging anywhere.
The Cost of Silence
I didn’t know what “normal” was. I wasn’t allowed to go to other kids’ houses; if I had friends, they had to come to mine. I never saw how other families lived, so I had nothing to compare my life to. And when I questioned things—or felt like something wasn’t right—I was told it could be worse. I was told that if I ever ended up in foster care, I’d see just how bad things could really be. So you learn to stop questioning. You learn to stay quiet. You learn to accept what is... even when something inside you knows it isn’t right.
"We may not have had control over what happened to us... but we do have a say in what happens next."
The Body Remembers
You don’t choose the environment you grow up in. You don’t choose what you’re exposed to or what gets normalized around you. But it shapes you anyway. What you grow up seeing teaches you what relationships look like, what love looks like, and what’s acceptable—even when it’s wrong.
For a long time, I didn’t understand how much of my thinking—my reactions, my patterns, my responses—were shaped by things I never chose. But my body remembered. My instincts remembered. That little girl who knew something wasn’t right... she remembered.
Putting on the Belt of Truth
Awareness changes everything. Once you see it, you can question it. You can challenge it. You can begin to break the pattern. But none of that begins until the truth is spoken.
Silence feels safer. You tell yourself it wasn’t that bad. You move forward… or at least you try to. But silence doesn’t heal; it hides. And what stays hidden doesn't disappear—it shows up in your thoughts and your relationships in ways you don't always understand.
This is what "END Silence" means. It’s a decision to bring things into the light. This is what it means to put on the Belt of Truth:
Not just knowing truth.
But speaking it.
Living in it.
Allowing it to reveal what needs to be healed.
✝️ Scripture
Ephesians 6:14
“Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist…”
The Path Forward
Truth is where healing starts. From there, you begin to sort through the pieces. You find the tools. You find the support. You take back what was never meant to be taken from you.
It’s not easy. But it is possible.
Your story matters. Not because it defines you, but because facing it can free you.
Join the Conversation
Have you ever felt like your "instincts" were trying to tell you something your younger self couldn't put into words?
Let’s talk about it in the comments.
Let's end silence together.
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